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Risking Illness

by Ian Wayne

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited edition 12" vinyl with digital download. Very striking presentation! Also, startlingly permanent. Consider carefully before purchasing plastic!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Risking Illness via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days

      $20 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $3.50 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Simple, eco-friendly cardboard gatefold case.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Risking Illness via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days
    edition of 100 

      $10 USD or more 

     

1.
Coyote 02:04
He could’ve shedded hair like snakes Could’ve shedded skin like skn I was standing in the lee Didn’t know where to begin Hey, they couldn’t treat him I’ll own my problems If I can keep them Back in the canyons Cursing exes Taking their habits Coyote and rabbit
2.
Gimme something, gimme something What could it be you put to your face Gimme something, gimme something Do you recall if everything was falling apart If everything was falling apart Gimme something, gimme something I’m looking for a place where we can become undressed Gimme something, gimme something When I have got no love to give Or if everything was falling apart If everything was falling apart
3.
Now Is Was 03:46
To make me humble, watching you crumble The lines tied to my diversions Give warning Here, where the heft of that notion Turning our mirror to glass While you, becoming the roses You’re holding I want to be where everything now is was I want to see where everything now is was I wanna do right by you I wanna do right by you I just wanna do right
4.
Toss your fabric and stuffing From the fire escape Now you’re waiting on nothing Slow on down It didn’t feel like it was when it was It didn’t feel like it was, but it just was Hung up in a shirt pocket For the world to see Join the lost and forgotten If I could just see If I could just see what it was when it was It didn’t feel like it was, but it just was
5.
Baby 03:54
Baby, I will always love you In between the times that I do not And after all my lonesome dreams are captured I’ll bemoan the loves that I have lost And would you be one of them Replace me And would I start to Disregard you Here we find us in another chapter In your building tapping at the walls And washing in with peels of sundry laughter And in the change from our love’s freeze to thaw What I have lost To think of this What I have sought What I would miss
6.
Aperture 03:30
You don’t have to, but I want for you To want to know me better than you have to And I’m pressed against the cold clay of your statue And I’m wanting to look at and not just past you With anger as an aperture Yours is the last image I will capture And yelling at the paper and the plaster I’m digging deeper into this disaster Thinking of you, looking from that armchair At me - low-grade pining for that black hair But I wouldn’t want to think that you’d look back there
7.
People 03:29
People walking by and we are talking In the streetlight by the Polish grocery Trying just to tie up a little tangle You and I from such different angles We could be anyone People walking by and we are talking Older than us, their-own-business keeping You and I decide the way it catches How it empties, if it scratches It could happen to anyone
8.
Winter's 03:30
Risking illness I sit on the stones on winter’s coldest morning Waiting on not a knock at the door Risking illness unknown to me now, I get up in the morning The thought now remains I can look back and say From the edge of the stage I was here when his life slipped away Unfurl the thought that was plain - he could be there in the morning Your thousand-yard stare I didn’t feel him there He’s gone for me now For you, he’s around I was his age times nine 27 on the day that he died
9.
This 04:00
I wouldn’t mind some help with this one, babe To do no harm in breathing minutes While we delay to finish it Stuck on the losing end of this green light And out of season, bells are ringing It’s just your voice singing Wringing the rag of my last thoughts on this The bells ring out of season And I have no reason

about

I believe that these songs should be untied from my purpose in writing them. I think the pain we’re trying to escape boomerangs back no matter how hard we throw it. I think love can make us blind to our loneliness. Other times, in our loneliness, we miss one another by inches. I believe this will be true for all of us, in some respect, at least once. There is a stark difference, I think, between the loss of a person’s life and the grief that accompanies it. Life ends. There is the moment when they are gone -- that tangible thing. Grief though, has no such threshold. It is mysterious, tidal, elusive in its absence and presence. I believe that, in this way, grief is like love: we grasp for signs of it. The pressing need to shield ourselves and our loved ones from harm washes up downstream from a shattering loss. In the fog of my own grief, it occured to me that simply being alive makes us vulnerable to death. Harm may find us anywhere. I came to feel brave, then, for choosing to live despite the risk of illness. And now I believe that these songs should be untied from my purpose in writing them.

credits

released September 18, 2020

Recorded with Dan Knishkowy, Andrew Stocker, Keith J. Nelson and Ian Wayne
Engineered and Mixed by Keith J. Nelson

Mastered by Josh Bonati

Design by Dan Abary
Photo by Dondre Stuetley

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Ian Wayne Queens, New York

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